"When the two ears are put side by side, it forms the shape of heart. Interestingly, the word 'ear' sits right in the middle of the word 'heart' (h-ear-t)."
~ Anonymous ~
Life gets tough sometimes to the extent one may feel like losing it and it is during that time one needs a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. However, no matter how much we could be willing to listen and to be there for someone with a broken heart , not each one of us is a good listener. You can tell by the way many people have chosen not to open up to any single soul because of the following reasons:
a. They hate to be over pitied if I may say so
b. The hate getting each of their actions associated with their trauma
c. They value their privacy
d. They are afraid of being an object for gossip.
In my humble opinion, I think that all of these mentioned reasons were results of people I will call bad listeners who didn't put into consideration that the only thing a broken heart seeks is to feel understood and not to be over pitied, labeled with their trauma or turned into an object for gossip.
In my experience I have found some useful tips that could help someone to be a good listener ( although some p
eople were born good listeners) and I'll share some of them:
First of all, create a comfortable environment for someone. Let them feel they can trust you. Secondly, be patient and don't let your curiosity get the best of you. Give someone time to sort out what they are going to tell you without pushing them.
Thirdly, ask if there is something you don't understand, I mean ask that someone to clarify a little bit so that you may not misunderstand them.
It is a no no to bring up your own stories! Let the person be the center of the conversation and give them all your attention as if they are the only thing that matters. It's also a no no to offer advices even when a person keeps asking you what they should do. Let them unload themselves first and later when they feel okay, help them finding solutions within or direct them to someone who can help them.
The last but not the least, make sure your behavior reflects " I'm here, I hear you and I understand you." In my humble opinion, listening to understand is one of the best gifts you can offer to a heavy and broken heart.
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