See, it happens continuously and sadly, it is always unexpected. Your moods change, your emotions betray you and you feel as if you are dramatic. You are not fine, good or okay, you're simply distracted from your pain. Although you are surrounded by your friends and people that care, you are unable to trust them and you do not know why. In your heart, there is a void you want to fill but you don't know how to. You turn to booze, games ,late night parties or sometimes, rituals between the sheets but after you swallow the last drop and sing the highest note, your demons still show up and say that you can't drink them away! Life is bitter, your heart no longer talks and you feel so numb and lifeless.
Sometimes,you comfort yourself by saying that you are like a caterpillar passing through darkness so as to become a butterfly but that's not how it is. Darkness endures, you get addicted to pain and loneliness, all you do is feeling miserable, pushing your people away and wishing you could die but again, wishing you could be found and saved. In that place where only you can go, everything else is useless and you have hanged "do not disturb" sign on the entrance.
See, you don't even think about peace of mind because you consider it a luxury you can't afford. You wish you could sleep and never wake up soon, you wish someone could save you from yourself. Strange thing is : although you need a saviour, you push everyone away. Although you are breaking and falling apart, you display the bravest image of yourself for you don't need anyone to pity you.
See, I know all of this because I have been there myself, in that place only I can go; a place where one feels low, a place where on feels useless and numb. All I can tell you is that I see you and I respect your privacy. I'm watching you as you feel terrible and unwanted. You are a ticking bomb and the reason why I can't save you is that I am unaware of which wire to cut, because only you know.
I promise to stand and guard you from distance until you will feel like the storm is over, when you will allow in visitors. I will not pity you, trust me! I will only give you a space to show your vulnerability but still, I will consider you a superhuman because surviving that kind of darkness is for the brave.
Let me end this by telling you that I love you although I know you won't believe it. Let me tell you that everything will be okay although I know it's one of the sentences you despise. Instead of singing you the famous " do you wanna talk about it", let me tell you that you are seen, admired and loved for the incredible human that you are. I'm watching you, I got your back, you will be alright and it's okay to feel like that.
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